The matriarch is gone

Nani is no more. She breathed her last breath on April 24, 2017 in Karachi in Choto Mama's house. Mama, who is a marine engineer, was out of Pakistan for work. On that  day his ship was near Abu Dhabi. Nani did not have anyone around her when she passed away.. Mami (Mama's wife) and the children were outside. When mami came inside the house, Nani's body was bent, in a prayer posture, seemed frozen in time. Perhaps she passed away while praying a few hours ago. I do not know what were her final thoughts, I will never know that. At that time, I, who live thousands of mile away in a place 15 hours behind in time zone, was deep asleep at the time of her passing. That night, I was dreaming in which she was cooking fish for me... Alas, her beloved son, one the very few people in this world who actually loved her was not there in her final moments!

Her death was not unexpected, it was neither sudden nor shocking, as she was old and was diabetic and also had osteoporosis. She was in some way some extremely lucky and other ways extremely unlucky. There were many who have been waiting for her death for several decades, as one can guess, they were relatives who came to her family through marriage and somehow started considering her as an enemy.

 Nani, born as Jehan Ara Begum was the darling daughter of Ali Nawaz Chaudhry (son of Aleph Chaudhry?) and Sadia Begum. She was born in Nematabad, British India (now Bangladesh) in the year 1930 (or perhaps 1929). In her days and in her family there was not much emphasis in record keeping. Her mother died when she was only 5. Her father, a hard working man employed by the British Govt. as Post Master in his area, married again, but he was rarely home due to his work commitments. His second wife also died leaving a son. My nana, her husband used to tease her that she is high maintenance and haughty just like the Mughal princess Jehan Ara (whose illness apparently was the reason the British were allowed to do business in India).

Nani was famous in her village (in Comilla, Bangladesh) for her love of mangoes -- have heard that her dad had built a whole cellar for mangoes only for her.... And, she was also known for her fierce protection of her land (owned by her father)... She was so spoiled that she got married very late, at the ripe age of 15-16!! In her time, girls as young as 7 were married off!!

She moved to West Pakistan in 1969 (after the landing of the moon!) with her husband (our Nana) and children to join her eldest son who was in the military and her daughter who lived there with her husband. Once her family made the move, she had no intention to go back. I do not remember her regretting the decision or ever reminiscing about life in the village in Comilla!

I will remember her for curries, especially curry with eggplants and tomatoes and pakkon pitha (a kind of Bengali sweet). I would not forget her fearlessness and love of food and in general the zest for life!

She is survived by 2 sons and a daughter and 22 grandchildren and 14 great grand children living all over the word-- Islamabad, Karachi, Jeddah, Dhaka, Bonn, Melbourne, Toronto, London, and Honolulu. Her husband and two of her children died, in their adulthood, during her lifetime.

Nani was not the kind who would cuddle you, spoil you, tell you stories, give you advise, tell you the tips to manage your house well and protect you from fear/anxieties. She was known to invoke fear in others and she herself was the fearless in the whole family. She was sometimes defined a despot like Neopleon or Hitler. But the positive aspect of having such a strong personality was that she did not have the word "impossible" in her dictionary! She got angry, yes, but she was never depressed or despondent about a situation. She was the ever optimist... Things always looked sunnier, brighter and pink to her... Which was great, as I personally have a cynical personality and easily succumb to desperation and negativity.. So, having an elder like her was always a positive force.

She was a considerable beauty in her youth and she herself was never shy about getting compliments about her fair complexion, which, according to the family legend was due to her ancestors who were Arabs!

She was 87.