Monday, July 27, 2009

What was pain for mother

21st July 2009 was my mother's 3rd death anniversary, as always, being the bad daughter I forgot about this. I never realized how depressed I would become doing so! Anyway, as part of growing old I am able to understand lot of things about mother which did not make sense when she was alive!

I learnt why she could bear the pain of being beaten up by her husband but finding out that he has been sleeping with his young secretary broke her heart and soul!!

For her the triple burden of working, managing the household, bearing children with almost no support from anyone was difficult but she did not complain... It was perhaps not as painful as lack of attention and affection from her husband was!!!

I was the bad daughter, always. Always selfish and just took care of my own self but managed to get some education and go ahead in life.... Never took care of her when she was sick!! My younger sister was the one who always looked after her whenever she was sick, but her life was in shambles and she was not doing anything about her... Mother was always upset with her... and to my surprise was ok or even pleased with me... Now, I know why.. For her she did not care if her child took care of HER, for her more important was if the child was able to take care of himself/herself!!!

Before she died, she was in extreme pain and I could see that she felt helpless because of so many reasons (mostly for being cheated by her own brother on her land)... But in that condition, when talking was a big effort she wanted to know if Raazi had uniform for school.....